Thursday, January 1, 2009
2008 THE YEAR IN REVIEW – OR WTF HAPPENED?
Jan: New Years ’08 - CM watches the ball drop all alone – notes that Dick Clark looks a lot like Ryan Seacrest since his stroke – adds “more veggies” to resolution list - Amy Winehouse enters rehab – quickly exits rehab - After a long dry spell, CM dating again
Feb: CM replaces “more veggies” with “pizza” - CM sells a few more copies of his book, still not able to retire – CM buys self Valentine’s Day candy - chokes
March: Benjamin turns 10 – CM gets more gray hair – birthday party at the Reptile place, kids are given education on pig reproduction and lesson in how not to hold a tortoise so it won't projectile poop in your face - one kid learns the hard way - CM adopts the ‘NO pants Fridays’ rule
April: the Tax Man cometh the Tax Man taketh away
May: the definition of the word “dating” is called into question – single again - CM swears off girls – then quickly swears off boys - After nearly 20 years Indiana Jones returns in The Kingdom of the Krystal TURD - CM joins ‘top secret group to kidnap George Lucas and force him to retire’ (aka: TSGTKGLAFHTR) – security at Skywalker Ranch very tight – TSGTKGLAFHTR disbands – CM watches the original INDY films on DVD
June: CM makes a killing on ebay selling Batman toys – squanders ebay loot buying 1960’s VINTAGE Batman toys – school is out, what to do with free time – new apps on facebook - CM goes on super-poke rampage
July: Angelina Jolie gives birth to twins – despite rumors to the contrary CM is not the father – CM gives birth to another kidney stone
Aug: CM starts mural at school, students later ask where is Pokemon – NO Pokemon
Sept: Salma Hayek also gives birth , CM also not the father - Hannah turns 8 – more gray hairs - CM’s 46th comes and goes like a fart in church – CM adds Pokemon ball to mural – in a fit of lack of self control CM consumes an entire apple pie
Oct: Mr. Bonez hands out record number of Halloween candies totaling 900 – CM receives AFTRA residual check in the amount of $4.00 for his superb TV acting in 1994
Nov: With the one deciding vote CM elects the new president – massive turkey consumption - stuffing & cranberry coma follows – cold weather comes, ‘NO pants Fridays’ rule is rescinded
Dec: CM has potentially life altering epiphany! – forgets to write epiphany down, can’t remember epiphany – Suits up as Santa to meet every runny nose & cough at school – spends xmas holiday alone with a cold – xmas sleep over at moms, family drama ensues - then spends second xmas with the kiddies – AND ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!